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The best jokes and joke writers!

Shift Change

At the Polish-Russian border, a Russian border patrol walks down the line, expecting a quiet evening when suddenly he sees something dangling from a tree. Someone hung himself. Right there. At the border. He calls his partner.

"Ivan? Come quick, there's someone hanging from the tree! Someone committed suicide right here at the border!"

"What? Oh please no! The paperwork! And in 30 minutes we'd be relieved and I want to go on vacation. C'mon, help me, we take him down and hang him over to the Polish side, let them deal with the guy!"

And they do. They cut down the corpse and carry it over a few yards past the border to tie him back up onto a Polish tree. Quickly they walk on and finish their patrol.

Not even an hour later, a Polish patrol comes along. The guard sees something dangle in the wind, he pauses, stares at it wide-eyed, and yells

"I can't believe it! Miroslav, come quick! He is back!"

Few Words

A woman catches a train and finds herself sitting opposite a little old Scotsman wearing a kilt. “Excuse me,” she says. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I always wanted to know what a man wears under one of these things.” The Scotsman replies, “I’m a man o’ few words, madam. Give me yer hand…”

The Mexican Olympic Team

Q: How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?

A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.A.

Bus Driver

I went out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before. 

Irish Pick-up Line

You must be from Ireland ... because my baloney pony is Dublin every time I think about you!