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The best jokes and joke writers!

Cheese Wheel

A Mexican man cannot find work and finally heads home for the evening.
On his way home, he finds a cross at the bottom of a hill. So he kneels and prays to God, "Please God, let me find a way to feed my family".
At the top of this hill, a black man was walking home from grocery shopping when the bottom of his bag gave out and a cheese wheel rolled straight down towards the Mexican man.
When the Mexican man opened his eyes, lo-and-behold, there was a gigantic wheel of cheese at his feet. Overjoyed, he picked up the cheese and ran all the way home. He showed his wife the cheese and said "Look what God has provided us! The most glorious cheese I have ever seen! And, my fair wife, we must make Nachos with this cheese!"
The wife looked perplexed, and asked, "Why husband? Why must we make nachos?"
The man stood up and proclaimed, "Because God talked to me. As I was running home, he kept yelling at me, "That's Not'cho Cheese!!! That's Not'cho Cheese!!!"

Zero To Eight

Q: What did the zero say to the the eight?

A: Nice belt!

Chilled Salad

Q: What did the salad say to the fridge?

A: Shut the door, I'm dressing!

Up All Night

Q: Why did Daft Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun?

A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"

A Wonderful Exercise

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minorheart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll be the best thing you can do for your recovery." So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."

Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

  1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
  2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
  3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
  4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
  5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
  6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
  7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
  8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
  9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
  10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!