During a business trip to China, I was browsing through a department store in Beijing when a staff member timidly approached me. "Excuse me," she said. "Are you American?" "Yes, I am," I answered. "What state are you from?" she asked. "Texas, " I replied proudly. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, obviously disappointed. "I was hoping to find someone to help me with my English."

Q: What's one difference between Chernobyl and Disney Land?

A: The 7 foot mouse is actually real.

Yo Mamas so fat when Miley Cyrus needed a wrecking ball she knew just who to call
 

Q: Why do baby diapers have names like "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers," while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".

A: When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper'em.  When old people crap in their pants it "Depends" on who's in the will!

A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: "So, where y'all from?" The New York girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where y'all from, bitch?"