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The best jokes and joke writers!

K9 Punishment

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane.  The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are you here?"  The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well.  I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep." 
The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here?"  The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."
The poodle and schnauzer ask the great Dane why he is here. The great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pickup something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself. "  The poodle asks, "so she brought you here to put to sleep?"  "Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."

We Have Too Many

There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, "We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, "We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, "We have too many in our country.”

Let Me Out

Q: You're in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat. How do you get out?

A: Strike 1! Strike 2! Strike 3! You're out!

When U Black, U Black

When I was born, I was BLACK

When I grew up, I was  BLACK

When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK

When I got cold, I was  BLACK

When I was scared, I was BLACK

When I was sick, I was  BLACK

And when I die, I’ll still be BLACK   

NOW, you white folks

When you’re born, you're  PINK

When you grow up, you’re WHITE

When you go in the sun, you get  RED

When you’re cold, you turn BLUE

When you’re scared, you're YELLOW

When you get sick, you’re GREEN

When you bruise, you turn PURPLE

And when you die, you look GREY

So why y'all be callin' us COLORED folks?

Black PhD

Q: Why are black people unable to get a PhD?

A: Because they can't get past their masters.

Biology Test

Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.