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The best jokes and joke writers!

Medical Help

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.'' The blonde yelled at the doctor... ''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''

Blonde at Soccer Stadium

Q: What happened to the blonde at the soccer stadium?

A: She drowned in the Mexican wave.

Mexican Card Games

Q: Why can't Mexicans play Uno?

A: They always steal the green cards.

You Know You're Middle Aged If...

  • You’ve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.
  • The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car—in the “ten items or less” lane.
  • You’ve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.
  • You’ve found yourself discussing rain gutters.
  • You remember your kid’s names, just not always the right one.
  • You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.
  • Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.
  • You buy “age-defying” makeup and “antiwrinkle” creams and believe they work.
  • You’ve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.
  • You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator music.
  • As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.
  • You’ve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic—“for the last time in a generation”
  • You’d pay good money to be strip-searched.
  • Wal-Mart and target seem to share your fashion sense.
  • The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.
  • You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag—in less than five minutes.
  • You know what Earth Shoes are.
  • You think if you hear “Stairway to Heaven” one more time your head will explode.
  • Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.
  • On Saturday night, when your wife mentions “hot oil, a little friction, and squealing,” you tell her you’ll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.

When U Black, U Black

When I was born, I was BLACK

When I grew up, I was  BLACK

When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK

When I got cold, I was  BLACK

When I was scared, I was BLACK

When I was sick, I was  BLACK

And when I die, I’ll still be BLACK   

NOW, you white folks

When you’re born, you're  PINK

When you grow up, you’re WHITE

When you go in the sun, you get  RED

When you’re cold, you turn BLUE

When you’re scared, you're YELLOW

When you get sick, you’re GREEN

When you bruise, you turn PURPLE

And when you die, you look GREY

So why y'all be callin' us COLORED folks?

Toilet Talk

Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet? 

A: You look a bit flushed.