As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know what time we quit around here?" he asked. "Sure!" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody knocks on the door."
To Heal Or Not To Heal
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?" "Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."
In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read: "THOAP!"
Life After Death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir," the new recruit replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. "Downsizing." He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them." He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye. "Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything okay?" He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off." And she looks at him and says "Well, I have to catch a bus, so I suggest you jack off."