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The best jokes and joke writers!

Safety Meeting

We had a safety meeting at work today.

They asked me "what steps would you take in event of a fire?

"Fucking big ones" was apparently not the right answer.

Hard Times at Work

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way. "And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home. "Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."

Top 10 Signs You Are 'Burned Out'

  1. You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."
  2. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, jerk!"
  3. Your garbage can IS your "in" box.
  4. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
  5. You have so much on your mind, you've forget often how to think.
  6. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through ...er.... Monday.
  7. You sleep more at work than at home.
  8. You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
  9. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
  10. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

A Dent in the Pile!

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."  To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."  To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."  

He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!?  "The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy.  Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

Wife vs Job

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After five years your job will still suck.