Reason For Firing
Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?" Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."
The English Are Tactful
Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with, "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."
What Not To Say In The Workplace
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
A Dent in the Pile!
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!? "The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"
Wife vs Job
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.