Blonde at a Job Interview
A blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying, "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice." And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup." Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "MANDY!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead, "I was just running through that song -'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "
Not Enough Time
Did you ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop and tell everyone that they don't have enough time to do all their work.
75 Story Climb
Bill Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way." At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
A Dent in the Pile!
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!? "The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"
Wife vs Job
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.