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The best jokes and joke writers!

Smart Phone Trouble

My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative"
Anybody know what "ternative" means?

Mexican Portraits

Q: How do Mexicans take a family portrait?

A: They all gather together on the back of a pickup truck and run a red light!

CPR

Last night I was at the bar when the waitress screamed...

"Anyone know CPR?"

I said, "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"

Everyone laughed.

Well, except one guy.

We Have Too Many

There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, "We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, "We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, "We have too many in our country.”

Immigration Test

You know how they use to give immigrants a test when they came to America? Well the last question on the test was to use pink, green and yellow in a sentence. So when the Mexican had his turn he answered the last question: "When the phone goes 'GREEN GREEN GREEN' I PINK it up and say 'YELLOW?'"

Obama Drop

Q: Why doesn't Obama like watching the ball drop on New Year's Eve?

A: It pretty-much sums up his accomplishments for the year.