A twenty-five-year-old man walks into a bar and sits down next to his Irish father. His father says, "Do ya see this bar? I built this bar with me own two hands. Not one person ever called me 'Derwin The Barmaker." "Look out that window there. Do you see that bridge? I built that bridge with me own two hands. Not one person ever called me 'Derwin The Bridge Maker." "And do yee see that building down the street? I built that building with me own two hands. Not one person EVER called me 'Derwin The Building Maker'. But you FUCK ONE GOAT!"
A woman goes to a psychic and contacts her recently dead husband. “Are you happy?” asks the woman. “Yes,” says the husband. “I’m in a field surrounded by beautiful cows.” “Can you see any angels?” asks the woman. “No, but there’s a prize-winning cow standing in front of me. A real stunner.” “Have you seen God?” asks the woman. “No,” replies the husband. “But the cows are really, really fantastic.” “Why do you keep going on about cows?” shouts the woman. “Sorry,” says the husband, “I forgot to mention – I’m in Wisconsin. I’ve come back as a bull.”