Q: You're in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat. How do you get out?

A: Strike 1! Strike 2! Strike 3! You're out!

Q: Where do cows go on a Saturday night?

A: To the moo-vies!

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a  local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the  Sergeant Major for conversation. Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady,  trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up.  Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit and missing one tit, but think of the money he saved!

Q:  What does a blond and a turtle have in common?

A:  When they lay on their backs they're screwed!