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The best jokes and joke writers!

Christmas Pageant

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.  Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"

Toilet Paper

Q: Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party?

A: Because she was a party pooper.

Holiday Confession

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church during the Christmas holidays, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest knocks three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either."

Girls Night Out

The other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies Night Club." One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek. Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt cheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. She calls the guy back over again, licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, then got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home!

Sage Medical Advice

Q: What two pills should you NEVER take together?

A: Sleeping pill and a laxative.

Premium Poop

I had to pay $150 for the bowel prep medication before my colonoscopy.

That shit was expensive.