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The best jokes and joke writers!

Christmas Gifting

My wife asked me to get her "bath stuff" for Christmas.
I sure hope she likes her new toaster.

Floating Television

Q: What do you say when you see your television floating at night?

A: "Drop it nigga."

Heffner from the Other Side

The Heffner family recently held a seance at the Playboy mansion and successfully contacted their father. He had one urgent message and requested that his family get the word out immediately.

The message is: "Tell the Muslims there aren't any virgins left."

Worms and Alcohol

A science teacher wanted to teach her 6th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so she produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the teacher, putting a worm first into the water.

The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, she put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Christmas Surprise

My boyfriend doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time I orgasm during sex. That's all I'm spending on him for Christmas.

So far, his roommate is getting an Xbox One X. He's getting nothing.

Wait in the Car

Upon returning to their car from a shopping, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"