We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!


Q: Why are Ethiopian's teeth so white?
A: Because they never use them.


Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener!

Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.

Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!

Women Need Four Animals

A woman needs only four animals in her life: a mink on her back, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all.

Bieber Request

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play something by Justin Bieber for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

Book Talk

Q: What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? 

A: I've already got a lot of problems, and I don't need any of your drama.

Halloween Coffin

A man was walking home alone late on Halloween night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him ... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ... faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on the heals of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything ... but all he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the coughdrops at the coffin ...
... and of course ...
... the coffin stops!