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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Maid

Maria, a maid, asks her boss for a raise. Her boss is annoyed and asks, "Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a raise?" Maria: "Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." 
Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.." The wife is obviously upset: "Did my husband say that ?" Maria: "No, Señora, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

Shady Dog

Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?

A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!

Second to Third

Q: Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second?

A: Because you have a short stop between second and third.

Intel Inside

Q: What do you feed computers when they're hungry?

A: Chips!

Bernie's Team

Q: What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

A: Mom & Dad

Orange and Banana

Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!