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The best jokes and joke writers!

Grandmother Too

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up. "All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded. "My grandmother too?" the little girl asked. "Yes, your grandmother too!" "All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses." "My grandmother too?" "Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties." "Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl. Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart." When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"

Knock Knock - Owls

Knock knock

Who's there?

Owls

Owls who?

That's right! Owls hoo!

Signs You Are A Loser

  1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
  2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
  3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
  4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
  5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
  6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
  7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
  8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
  9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
  10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.

Penguin in the Desert

Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?

A: Lost

Before a Lions Meal

Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

A: 'Let us prey.'

Cowboy in Heaven

A cowboy died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the Book several times and furrows his brow, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED -- you're in." The guy thinks for a moment. "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Laid him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!" St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?" "Oh, about two minutes ago."