A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his brain from me." The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with me!"

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."

Fidel Castro was addressing a large audience in Cuba, and he began, "They accuse me of intervening in Angola..."  A man going through the audience called out, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

Castro went on: "They say I’m intervening in Mozambique..." and the same loud voice shouted, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"  

Castro continued: "They say I’m intervening in Nicaragua..." and the voice yelled again, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

By this time Castro was boiling mad and he sputtered, "Bring that man who is shouting 'Peanuts! Popcorn!' to me, and I’ll kick him all the way to Miami."

And everybody in the audience started shouting, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow." "Why not?" asks Joey. "I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully. "That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?" Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision." Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."