Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

A friend of mine has an 18 year old son named Leroy. He attends Oakland High School where they teach ebonics as a second language. Last week he was given an easy homework assignment; all he had to do was put each of the following words into a sentence.

1. Rectum: I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady rectum both.
2. Hotel: I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the hotel everybody!
3. Odyssey: I told my bro, you odyssey the jugs on this hoe.
4. Stain: My mother-in-law axed me if I was stain for dinner again.
5. Seldom: My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game so I seldom.
6. Penis: I  went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis!
7. Catacomb: Don King was at the fight the other night, man, somebody give that catacomb.
8. Forclose: If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money forclose.
9. Undermind: There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment undermine.
10. Tripoli: I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't fine no tripoli.
11. Disappointment: My parole officer told me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the big house.
12. Income: I just got in bed wit dee hoe then income my wife
13. Honor: At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be honor first?
14. Fortify: I axed da hoe how much, and she says "Fortify".
15. Israel: Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said "man, that looks fake!" He said "No! Israel!"
    Needless to say Leroy got an A.

Q: How many seconds are in a year?

A: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...

One fine Sunday afternoon, a couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off:

"A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, "See? That was more than 5 times a month!"

The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month.What do YOU say to that?!" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"

The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!"

Q: What's a snake's favorite song?

A: 'Snake, Rattle, & Roll'.