Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?

A: "Curl Up and Dye."

Yo mama is so hairy she is where carpets come from

On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small town and pointing to it, told the children that it was St. Francis' Church. "It must be a franchise," her eight-year-old son said. "We've got one of those in our town too."

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them and says, "It's okay, they're benign." The pirate replied, "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"