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The best jokes and joke writers!

Valentine Breakfast

The old couple were celebrating Valentine's day after 50 years of marriage. They were sitting at the breakfast table when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting there naked as a jaybird, too!" "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."  Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

Yo Mama - Bookmark

Yo mama so fat that she needs a book mark to keep track of all her chin rolls!

Mexican Portraits

Q: How do Mexicans take a family portrait?

A: They all gather together on the back of a pickup truck and run a red light!

Bus Driver

I went out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before. 

US Metric System

Q: Why doesn't America use the metric system?

A: They have a foot fetish

Floating Television

Q: What do you say when you see your television floating at night?

A: "Drop it nigga."