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The best jokes and joke writers!

Fulfilling a Promise

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that BJ I promised you? Here it comes..."

Categories:
Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Money Jokes , Sex Jokes (Oral Sex Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
5
16
4

Anonymous

Chernobyl and Disney

Q: What's one difference between Chernobyl and Disney Land?

A: The 7 foot mouse is actually real.

Categories:
Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes)
1
3
0

Anonymous

Texas vs. New York

A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: "So, where y'all from?" The New York girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

Categories:
Airplane Jokes , U.S. State Jokes (New York Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Texas Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
3
13
6

Anonymous

Wedding Tombstones

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Categories:
Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Sexist Jokes (Men vs Women Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
64
122
38

Anonymous

Ding Dong -Riddles

Q: What did the inventor of the door knocker win?

A: The no bell prize.

Categories:
Riddles (Riddles for Kids) , Word Play Jokes
41
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32

Anonymous

Biting Nails

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth."

Categories:
Old Age Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
1
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0

Anonymous
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