We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

The Pony with the Sore Throat

Q: What did the veterinarian say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? 

A: "I know what's wrong here; you're just a little hoarse!"

Father's Professions

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher decided to get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living. The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman." The next little boy said: "I'm Andy and my dad is a mechanic." Then another little boy said: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men." The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approached Jimmy privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar. The kid blushed and said, "I'm sorry, but my dad is an auditor for Arthur Andersen and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

Old Rules

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.

Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ? Dr. Geezer:  "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that's Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so --  " Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story  --  Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "

Natalie

The Madam opens the brothel door to see a well-dressed elderly man standing in the doorway. "Can I help you?" the Madam asks. "I want Natalie," the old man replies. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else...?"  "No. I want Natalie."  Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $1,000 per hour.  Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves. The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $1,000 for one hour.  But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.  When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he hands Natalie the money and up to the room, they go. At the end of the hour, Natalie decides to question the old man. "I'm not used to having the same customer come back three nights in a row.  Do you mind if I ask where you're from?"  "I'm from St. Louis."  "Really," replies Natalie. "I have a cousin who lives there."  "I know", says the old man. "Your cousin died and left you $3000 in her will. I'm her attorney - you've now been paid."

I Have Bad News

The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"