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The best jokes and joke writers!

Second Chance

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, I'd like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday." On Monday, the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew a little circle in a big circle and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I pointed to small circle and said, "This is your ass hole before prison....."

ProTip: Hiking

Carry binoculars when hiking so when you make frequent stops, it looks like you're appreciating nature not fighting for air.

Netflix Message

Netflix should change its message from, 'are you still watching?' to 'you should go shower and come back'

Bear Q

Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin to keep bears from breaking into it:

"There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."

Drum Solo Record

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on AA8408 between Toyko and LA.

Whiskey Duck

So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery.

Daffy turns to Elmer and says: "Is this Whiskey?"

Elmer says: "Yeth, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"