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The best jokes and joke writers!

Next Stop

Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die?
A: Everywhere

Break Up

Q: What has to be broken before you can use it?

A: An egg.

Pirate Bar

A pirate walks into a bar and  the bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"

The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head."

Cloud Watching

Q: What are clouds made of?

A: Mostly Intel based Linux servers.

Slammer Time

Q: Why were Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid in jail?

A: They were in for assault and battery.

New Glasses

Yesterday my daughter nagged me again about how I spend my time - she wants me to do something useful. “So, sitting around the pool and drinking wine isn't a good thing?” I asked. My "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was 'only thinking of me' and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and join something. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.

I sent an email telling her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied, "Mother, are you nuts? You're 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a _PROSTITUTE_ CLUB, NOT A PARACHUTE CLUB.” I calmly replied, "Oh my, I think I'm in real trouble then, because I signed up for FIVE JUMPS A WEEK!!” The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be real fun.