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The best jokes and joke writers!

Too Honest

Mom, how did I come to this world? "Well, your father and I planted a seed together," the mother said.
"From that seed, we grew a marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine."

Meet the Parents

A young woman brought her new fiance home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man. The father invited the fiance to his study for a talk.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied. "A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir; God will provide," replied the fiance. The conversation proceeded like this . . . and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?" The father answered, "He's a Democrat. He has no job, he has no plans, and he thinks I'm God."

Democratic Halitosis

Q: How do Liberal Democrats keep their breath fresh?

A: With entitlements.

Orange Seat

Q: What happens when you sit on an orange?

A: You hurt its peelings.

Mean Amphibian

Q: What do you call a mean amphibian?

A: A bully frog.

Spider Cross

Q: Why did the spider cross the road?

A: To get to his web-site.