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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Right Card

At the card shop...
A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"

Precision Hunting

A physicist, an engineer and a statistician go on a hunting trip.  They're walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires.  He missed the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes and said, "You forgot to account for wind." He snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires. He missed the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells, "We got him!"

Solid Logic

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

Parole Hearing

Officer: Why should you be released early?

Man: I’m ..

Officer: Go on.

Man: I think...

Officer: Yes?

Man: Can I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Sorry Click

Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

A: Re-morse code.

Chubby Kim

Q: Why is Kim Jong un so chubby?

A: Because he never had to run for his office