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The best jokes and joke writers!

Big Family

A women married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "What do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

Airplane Propellers

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool.

When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.

Knockout Decisions

Before my surgery, my anesthetist offered to knock me out with either gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation

Han and Leia

Q: What did Luke say to Han and Leia when they split up?

A: May divorce be with you.

People

There are two types of people in this world today:

1. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

How did I get here?

A little girl asked her mother how she got here. Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied, “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.”