The Wishes Of A Black Guy
A black guy has three wishes. He wishes to be white, uptight, and out of sight. Poof, he's a tampon.
Who Said That?
It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said."Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Suzuki. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." He heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked." Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001."
Q: What do you say to an Arab shaking out a carpet on his 5th floor balcony?
A: What's wrong Abdul? Won't it start?
Q: Why don't Mexicans teach driver's education and sex education on the same day?
A: Because they don't want to wear out the donkey.
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won; a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab or a motel in the United States.
If nothing there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide technical support for computer companies.