Irishmen Bungie Jumping
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat's Dem." The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. "Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag." The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick's van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place," says Mick. He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!" As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head. "Focket Dat," Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..." A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.' Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun. "Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean's mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin' that parrotshooting oider..."
After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.' Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin' hengliding..."
The Mexican Olympic Team
Q: How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?
A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.A.
A Girl Sat Sobbing in the Police Station
A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian." She wailed. "How do you know it was an Italian?" The detective asked."I had to help him," the girl replied.
St. Patrick's Day
What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick's Day everyone wishes they were Irish.
Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."