One More Beer
Text Msg to Wife: "I'm having just one more beer with guys after golf. If I'm not home in an hour, read this message again.”
Golf with Mother Nature
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Hey, where's your ball?" He responds by yelling, "It's over here in the pussy willows". The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"
Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," he said.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb cop," the third blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
Q: Why didn't the dog want to play football?
A: It was a boxer!
Why Ask Why - 3
- When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
- Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
- Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
- Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
- Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
- Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
- Why does one get in trouble for wreckLESS driving?
- Does a fish get cramps after eating?
- Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?