Q: What is the definition of a goose?
A: An animal that grows down as it grows up!
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station!
Hunting for Nuts
Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time, and reminds him to be still and keep quiet. An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe. "Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me, but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'"
Q: Why did the fly fall off the toilet?
A: It got pissed off.
Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.