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The best jokes and joke writers!

Penguin Field Trip

A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus. An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over. The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?" "Calm down," the bus driver says, "I did take the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies."

Cat Talker

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into the house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

Bee Jokes

Q: What does a bee get at McDonalds?

A: A humburger!


Q: What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?

A: A bee in a submarine!


Q: What's more dangerous than being with a fool?

A: Fooling with a bee!


Q: What did the spider say to the bee?

A: Your honey or your life!


Q: Who is a bee's favorite painter?

A: Pablo Beecasso!


Q: What did the bee to the other bee in summer?

A: Swarm here isn't it!


Q: What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?

A: Bee-thoven!


Q: Who writes books for little bees?

A: Bee-trix Potter!


Q: Where do bees go on holiday?

A: Stingapore!


Q: What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?

A: He's bee-witched!

Insect jokes

  • Q: Where would you put an injured insect?
    A: In an antbulance!
  • Q: What's an insects best chat up line?
    A: Pardon me, but is this stool taken!
  • Q: What has four wheels and flies?
    A: A garbage truck!
  • Q: What happened to the man who turned into an insect?
    A: He just beetled off!
  • Q: What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?
    A: A pool table?
  • Q: What lives in gum trees?
    Stick insects!
  • Q: How do we know that insects are so clever?
    A: Because they always know when you're eating outside!
  • Q: What is the insect's favorite game?
    A: Cricket! 

Teddy Bear

Q: What does a teddy bear say when you offer it a sandwich?

A: "No thanks, I'm stuffed"