Sex Jokes

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow." "Why not?" asks Joey. "I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully. "That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?" Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision." Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"

After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?" "Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?" "Well, er, yes --- but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed. "Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?" "Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time." "And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time." "OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole? "The third time was " Lena paused. "Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?"

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill -- I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?"  "Oh, my God!" Veronica exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"  "So what should I do?" asked Gloria.  Her friend quickly replied, "That's easy!!  Wear an old dress!"

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time. The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up." The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared. "The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck. She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"