9 Signs Santa Has Been Drinking

1. While your child is on his lap, he tells them they're not getting his Bud Light.
2. You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathalyzer.
3. Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack Daniels does!
4. You don't remember getting a request for venison in your stocking.
5. Betty Ford releases him on December 24th.
6. After each child, he has a Jello Shot.
7. This year the sleigh is being pulled by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull.
8. He jumps down a manhole and then gets angry when he can't find the tree.
9. Instead of going Onward, Dancer and Prancer...he just grumbles and says "Awww...just get going!"

Bus Driver

I went out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before. 

Ladies Night Out

Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."