Busted

Caught my wife having sex with my best friend.
She can pack her bags and get out and he's going back to the dog shelter.

Lifelong Dream

For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"

Shady Dog

Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?
A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!