Stumbling and Mumbling
A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"
Asian Pet Store
Q: What's the problem with an Asian pet store?
A: There's always a kitchen in the back!
Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?
A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!
Ladies Night Out
3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won," and the second woman said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
A: The wrong answer.