A Second Opinion
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and puts his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
Asian Pet Store
Q: What's the problem with an Asian pet store?
A: There's always a kitchen in the back!
You might be a redneck if...
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
Ladies Night Out
Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?
A: That hit the spots!