Q: Why are there so few Irish lawyers?
A: The majority of them can't pass the bar!
A twenty-five-year-old man walks into a bar and sits down next to his Irish father. His father says, "Do ya see this bar? I built this bar with me own two hands. Not one person ever called me 'Derwin The Barmaker." "Look out that window there. Do you see that bridge? I built that bridge with me own two hands. Not one person ever called me 'Derwin The Bridge Maker." "And do yee see that building down the street? I built that building with me own two hands. Not one person EVER called me 'Derwin The Building Maker'. But you FUCK ONE GOAT!"
Paddy the Puddy Cat Sitter
One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.
"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"
"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time."
So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy.
"Everything's ok over here" Paddy said. "Except you're cat. It's dead!"
"Oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy!"
"What do you mean?" replied Paddy. "Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg. Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic," explained O'Leary.
So paddy apologized and another week went by. One day O'Leary got another phone call. It was Paddy again. "All right O'Leary," he said. "Everything's ok here, except your ma -She's climbed the tree and refuses to come down!"
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture!