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The best jokes and joke writers!

Leprechaun Lender

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

A: Because they're always a little short.

Irish Viagra

An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Bob Evans again."

Paddy the Puddy Cat Sitter

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.

"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"

"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time."  

So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida.  However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy.

"Everything's ok over here" Paddy said.  "Except you're cat. It's dead!"

"Oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy!"

"What do you mean?" replied Paddy. "Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree.  The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down.  On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg.  Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic," explained O'Leary.

So paddy apologized and another week went by.  One day O'Leary got another phone call.  It was Paddy again.  "All right O'Leary," he said. "Everything's ok here, except your ma -She's climbed the tree and refuses to come down!"

Irish Coffin Maker

A small Irish Coffin maker who was also a bit of a prankster was on his way to deliver a coffin one evening when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

An Irish policemen saw him and said, "Hey, where did you get that coffin and where are you going?”

The man replied, “I didn't like where I was buried so I'm relocating.”

Little Leprechaun

Little Patrick asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes.

When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.

When he got back to class his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"

Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"

So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."

He was sent home and his mom asked him "What do you have in your hand?"

So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."

He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked, "What do you have in your hand?"

So again little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."

Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"

And little Patrick opened his hands and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him!"