Q: Did you hear about the drunk frog?
A: He barley hops.
Blonde - Doctor Visit
"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you're sober."
Men And Pigs
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Two guys are sitting in a fourth story bar drinking. The first guy stands up and says, "I'm done," and walks to the window, jumps out, then blows right back in. He says, "I knew it, the draft was too strong," and he sits back down.
A few minutes later, the other guy says, "I'm done," and jumps out the window and falls to his death. The bartender turns to the first guy and says, "Superman, you sure are an asshole when you're drunk!"
Girls Night Out
Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off of a grave. The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! My wife came back with no panties." The other husband said, "you think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, 'from all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you'!"