Problem Or Challenge
Q: A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?"
A: A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "And he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loud that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Dave. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Dave explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Wife vs Job
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.
The boys made a bet to see who could fart the hardest. To settle the bet, they filled a pan filled with flour and leveled it. Whoever can displace the most flour wins.
The first boy crouches over the pan and lets one rip. When the flour settles, they see the pan has only half the flour as it did to begin with.
"I can do better than that." Said the second boy. They refilled the pan and leveled the top.
The second boy crouches over the pan and lets a mighty one go. Only one-quarter of the flour remains.
The neighbor girl who has been watching curiously walks over and asks what the boys are doing. They explain their friendly game and to their surprise, she says, "That's nothing. I can do better than either of you two."
Well, the two boys fill the pan with flour and level it. Certainly this girl has nothing to bring to the table.
She crouches over the pan and lets one rip. When the flour settled, there wasn't a single bit left in the pan.
The boys are taken aback! The first one asks, "how in the world were you able to beat us at our own game?"
The second boy lifts up the girls skirt to take a peek and yells, "Just what I thought! Double barrels!!"