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The best jokes and joke writers!

Favorite Film

This math test can predict your favorite film (mine was Dead Pool)

Pick a number between 1 and 9.

Multiply by 3
Add 3 to that number
Multiply by 3 again
Add the two digits together

Now discover your favorite film!

  1. Rogue One
  2. Dead Pool
  3. Captain America
  4. Mad Max
  5. The Martian
  6. The Godfather
  7. The Force Awakens
  8. Spectre
  9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Sheep
  10. Forrest Gump

Meaner Than a Pitbull

Q:  What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?

A: The guy who gave it to him.

Ladies Night Out

3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.

The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."

The second woman said, "I blew chunks."

The third woman said, "I burned down my house."

After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won," and the second woman said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

Headdress

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave, who had only one feather in his headdress, "Why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?"

His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress.

He replied, "Ugh; me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters.

She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em all. Big, small, fat, tall. Me fuck-em all."

Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung!"

The Chief replied, "You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake."

Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!"

The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog- style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!"

With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear." The Chief said, "No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer!"

Farmer Surprise

Q: What did the farmer say when he read that genetic engineers were implanting human DNA into goats?

A: "Hell, I've been doing that for years."