Love Him When He's Old and Feeble
Husband: Darling, will you love me when I'm old and feeble?
Wife: You bet I do.
Wife For Sale
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman." After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale." The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?" The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! ... The wife had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and kazoom! ... The husband turned 90!
I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But all it did was change the color of the baby.
A husband and wife were sitting at home when the husband suddenly said, "Honey, just so you know, I never want to be kept alive in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So the wife got up, pulled the plug on the T.V. and threw out all of his beer.