We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Drilling Rights

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride. "What's the problem?" "I want to hit that adultering bitch for breach of contract," snapped the oil man. "I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer. "I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!" "Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin' rights!

Irish Viagra

An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Bob Evans again."

Wife For Sale

A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman." After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale." The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?" The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

Keep the Motor Running

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"

Redneck Dayvorce

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."