A 12-year-old boy walks up to his Polish neighbor and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife naked!" The guy answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny...I wasn't even home last night!"
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.
Attorney: "May I help you?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."
Wife vs Job
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.
Sister and Priest
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
Sister: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right... get up and get your own damn blanket!
Wife For Sale
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman." After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale." The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?" The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."