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The best jokes and joke writers!

Kiss at a Christmas Party

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.

Hocus Pocus

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?

A: Spelling.

Pet Resolutions

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.

14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND!

Got the Moves

Q: What kind of monster is the best dancer?

A: The boogieman

Pumped Up

Q: Did you hear about the pumpkins that went to the gym?

A: They wanted to become jacked-o-lanterns.