Beauty or Body
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?
He: Your sense of humor.
Definition of Bad Lover
Definition of Bad Lover: An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the doctor, "Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
Coffee is better than Women.
Why Coffee Is Better Than Women:
Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have some.
You won't get arrested for trying to buy coffee at 3 AM.
Coffee never runs out.
No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
Coffee can be ready in 15 minutes or less.
White men can take black coffee home to their parents.
Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream on it.
You can always heat up coffee.
Coffee smells and looks good in the morning.
If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
Two words; INSTANT COFFEE !
A woman and a man get into a bad car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, I'm a woman, neither of us were hurt but both of our cars were demolished! This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
The woman then hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says, "You take the first drink". The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The woman asks, "Aren't you having any?". The man replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police."