Two Old Friends
Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what´s been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She´s fantastic, she sucks like a real man!"
Couples Honeymoon Night
A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, "That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?" The husband replied "Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it." "That's nice honey" she replied, "What did it look like after you rooted it?" "Like a bulldog eating porridge" the husband replied.
I recently tried some of these new 'flavored' condoms. I bought one of each flavor they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag. My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to see what flavor i was wearing. The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavor", The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavor ", The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavor", and so on, until we had reached the final flavor, and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavor" "Cheese flavour ??" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"
The Neighbor Needs a Vase
One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said "my god you look so depressed." The neighbor said " you bet I am, look what my damn husband sent me...six dozen roses. Now you know what that means I'm going to have to spend this whole weekend on my back with my legs spread." " Now that's really silly, why don't you use a vase?"
All I Want
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts. In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!