Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.

Magic Desert Drink

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling, ''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

Wishing for Wine

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke. "I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine. "I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish." "Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass. "Why only one glass?" asked her wife. "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."