I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But all it did was change the color of the baby.
My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.
Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
A: Because the present's beneath them.
Poop jokes aren’t my favorite jokes.
But they’re a solid number two.
Stumbling and Mumbling
A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"