Moving on Up

This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

Christmas Plot

One year, a husband gets his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. The next Christmas comes around and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband replies, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"

This Guy Is Really Sick.

This guy and his girlfriend are fighting ... she says "I'm breaking up with you." "Why??" he asks. She says "because you are a pedophile". He says "Pedophile?????? Hmmmm that's an awfully big word for a 10 year old."