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The best jokes and joke writers!

Parrot in the Club

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went. She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild. This would go on all night long, every time the parrot went out. One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir section with her, and when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, ''The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!''
She was horrified and corrected the parrot, "No, you don't say that here!" The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!"

Lawyer and Vulture

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: Wings.

No Stone Unturned?

This just in: A well known college professor has been arrested and accused of putting marijuana in the food that seagulls consume. When asked why he did this he stated -"I want to leave no tern unstoned."

Makes You Think

  • I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  • How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
  • What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
  • If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
  • When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
  • I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!
  • Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Crowing Rooster

Q:  How do you stop a rooster crowing on Sunday?

A:  Eat him on Saturday!