Last Request

Q: What was the murderer's last request to the chaplain as he sat in the electric chair?
A: Will you hold my hand?

Tombstone

Found in a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me, for not rising

Poor Bird

One day a brunette and a blonde lady were walking through the park. All of the sudden, the brunette stops and says "Aw, look at the poor dead bird." The blonde looks up and says "Where!?"