Yo Mama - Goldfish
Yo mama so ugly even Goldfish crackers don't smile back.
Yo Mama - Zoo
Yo mama so ugly when she took you to the zoo, the owner thanked you for bringing her back!
Yo Mama - Roadkill
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks at roadkill, it runs away.
A hearty breakfast
A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like one of your special full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man. "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply. The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look like I have snotted on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top, and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease trickles in to the snotty egg and beans." "I don't have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy little fat girl. "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!!!!!" came the reply.
Questionable Qualified Employee
So I was calling to order a pizza, with the menu in hand, I order a large pizza with ground beef, bacon, and extra cheese and the girl on the phone says, "Oh I'm sorry we don't have any ground beef." So I say, "but here on the menu it says you have hamburger" and she responds, "Oh well we have hamburger!" So I said, "Okay I'll take the hamburger instead of the ground beef then." She says, "No problem!"