Appearance Jokes

Yo mama so ugly, cops stop her to ask if she reported the accident.

A midget walks into the doctors and says, "Doc, I've got these fucking itchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching." The Doc says, "I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya." So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. The midget hears snip, snip snip noises for about 5 minutes. The doc finishes and says, "How's that?" The midget says, "Fucking brilliant, what did you do?" The Doc says, "I trimmed back your high boots."

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks, "Do you do custom work?"

"Why of course!"

"Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh."

"No problem," says the artist. "Strip from the waist down and get up on the table." After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes.

The woman sits up and examines the tattoos. "That doesn't look like them!" she complains loudly.

"Oh yes it does," the artist says indignantly, "and I can prove it." With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.

"Well, what do you think?" the woman asks, spreading her legs. "Do you know who these men are?"

The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. "I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!"

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!