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The best jokes and joke writers!

Duck Heaven

Once upon a time there was three sisters that went to duck heaven. St. Patrick welcomed them and said, "We are happy to have you here in Duck Heaven, but I warn you if you step on a duck in Duck Heaven you will be chained to the ugliest man on Earth!" So, the three girls were really careful where they stepped. After a week the first girl stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the ugliest man on Earth! After a month the second sister stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the second ugliest man on the Earth! After a year in Duck Heaven the third sister never ever stepped on a duck so St. Patrick said, "You have been very good here in Duck Heaven so we have a treat for you!" So, she was chained to the most handsome and perfect man on the Earth! "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked the man. "Well I don't know about you lady," replied the man. "But I stepped on a duck!!!"

Autobiography

I've heard a witch is writing a tell all book about her life.

Warts and all.

No Sex Hillary

A recent article in the Washington Post reported that Hillary Clinton sued Walter Reed Hospital, saying that after her husband Bill had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "President Clinton was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

Old Age Honesty

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''
''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''

Yo Mama - Eclipse

Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.