Shell Game

Two little boys are in a garden playing with their pet tortoises. The first little boy says that his tortoise is the fastest , so they have a race – the first to reach the garden wall wins. The second little boy sets his tortoise lumbering off toward the wall, but the first does nothing. The second little boy says, “You’re going to lose that bet.” “No I’m not,” replies the first little boy, who picks up his tortoise and chucks it at the wall.

Pet Salamander

Friend: What an interesting pet. What is his name?
Owner: Tiny
Friend: What an odd name. Why do you call him Tiny?
Owner: Because he's my newt.