Jokes about Families

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school. She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast. "No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!" "You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds. "No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky." "You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns. "Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks. The mother is about to lose her patience. "Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"

Q: Can your mother predict the future with cards?

A: Yes! She takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.

Q: What did the redneck girl say when she woke up with her dad on top of her?

A: "Watch it Pa or you'll crush my smokes!"

A little kid comes running into the backyard.

He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"

"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one day. "You know what? Junior's 21. It's time we taught him about sex. Junior, get out here!" Junior runs out. "Junior, I think it's time to teach you about sex." "Sex," says Junior. "What's sex?" "Well," Pa says. "Take off your clothes, Ma." So Ma takes off her clothes. "You see that hole in Ma? Watch this." Pa starts doing it right there on the porch. A little while goes by and Junior's younger brother, Bubba comes out on the porch and asks what's going on. "Ma and Pa are teaching me about sex." "Sex? What's sex?" "See that hole in Pa? Watch this!"