Stumbling and Mumbling
A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"
Your teeth are so big when you sneeze you bite your chest.
Yo Mama - Goldfish
Yo mama so ugly even Goldfish crackers don't smile back.
Yo Mama - Sunshine
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks outside, the sun hides behind the clouds.
Yo Mama - All My Children
Yo mama so ugly, I went to her house, saw her TV was covered with cockroaches, asked her what she was watching, and she said 'All My Children'.