Appearance Jokes - Ugly Jokes

An elderly couple were driving across the country.  The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.  

The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"  The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"  The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"  The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"  The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"  The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."  The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"  And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in Russia?

A: A tourist.

Yo mama so ugly even Goldfish crackers don't smile back.

Yo mama so ugly, when she walks outside, the sun hides behind the clouds.

Yo mama so ugly, I went to her house, saw her TV was covered with cockroaches, asked her what she was watching, and she said 'All My Children'.