You've Got Mail
Q: What's the secret to telling a good postman joke?
A: It's all in the delivery
Lawyer and Vulture
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Real Live Answering Machine
Hi, you have reached Richard. I'm sorry, but my answering machine is out of order, so the voice you are hearing is actually me.
A man walks into a brothel. He walks up to the proprietor and says: "What can I get for ten dollars?" The proprietor says: "Go up the stairs, first room on the right."
The man walks into the room and sits on the bed, he notices a small door at the bottom of one of the walls. The door opens up, and a chicken comes walking out. The man has his way with the chicken. The man comes back the next day and says to the proprietor: "I didn't really like that, and I'd like a refund."
The proprietor says: "Oh, good sir, trust me. Go up the stairs, but this time go into the first room on the left, and you won't want your ten dollars back."
So the man goes into the room, and this room is much larger than the other, with theatre-type seating, and a big curtain on one side. A few people are scattered throughout the seats, and the man sits down. The curtain opens up, and it's actually large flat screen TV and what appears to be a live camera feed of an orgy. The man leans over to a guy sitting next to him and says: "Man, this is something, huh?" The other guy says: "You should have been here yesterday. Some guy was fucking a chicken."
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger and asked, ”Thanks but why would you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”
I told him that the chances of two serial killers being in one car would be astronomical.