My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.
Yo Mama - Coffee
Yo mama so black that when she sat in a hot tub, she made coffee.
Q: What do you call a bench full of white people?
A: The NBA!
I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night
Michelle Obama dies and goes to heaven, and she's in the waiting room to see Jesus.
There are clocks everywhere, not a single square inch of wall or ceiling doesn't have a timepiece. Some of them don't seem to be moving. St. Peter comes out and calls her name.
"I'm here" she says. "What's with all the clocks?".
St. Peter says "Everyone who has ever lived has a clock here. Every time they tell a lie, their clock moves forward by one minute. This is George Washington's clock. As you can see, it's one past midnight, so he only told one lie."
"Oh" Michelle said. "Where's my husband's clock?"
"That's in Jesus' office" St. Peter replies. "He uses that as a fan".