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The best jokes and joke writers!

You're Next

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Mistaken ID

My grandfather died due to shoddy hospital care. I wouldn't have minded, but he was only in there to visit my grandma.

LSD Cocktail

Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?

A: A trip without the kids!

Hawking Call

Q: What kind of phone did Steven Hawking use?

A: A smart phone

Maple Leaf

Q: What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on February 2nd?

A: Six more weeks of bad hockey!