Computer Upgrade

I painted my computer black thinking it would run faster,
but it just stopped working.

New Year Nerd Resolutions

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD
6. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
5. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
4. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
3. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.
2. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
1. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

Creeper

I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now.
We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop.  That's quite impressive for her age.