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The best jokes and joke writers!

Riding Along

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."

Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They're about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says, "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and just ahead is a tree loaded with bacon. It has raw bacon, fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree!" "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the dessert, don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within ten yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it?"

"Pepe ... ees not a bacon tree ... Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees a ham bush...!"

Mexican Mosh Pit

Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexicans in a mosh pit?

A: A bean dip.

Scottish Tourist

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He can't run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

Carpets

Q: What do you say to an Arab shaking out a carpet on his 5th floor balcony?

A: What's wrong Abdul?  Won't it start?