Slippers

Paddy broke his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin'?" Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed. He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you." They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?" Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"

Iranian Spiders

What did the Iranian soldiers do when they saw a spider?
Tehran!

The Mexican Olympic Team

Q: How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?
A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.A.