Deep Questions

If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

Donald MacDonald From The Isle's

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Menu Item Translations

The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.

• Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
• Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
• Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
• French fried ships - Cairo
• Garlic Coffee - Europe
• Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
• Boiled Frogfish - Europe
• Sweat from the trolley - Europe
• Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
• Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
• Roasted duck let loose - Poland
• Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
• Fried friendship - Nepal
• Strawberry crap - Japan
• Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
• Toes with butter and jam - Bali
• French Creeps - L.A.
• Fried fishermen - Japan
• Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
• Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania
• Product Names Clean Finger Nail - Chinese
• Japanese mineral water Creap Creamy Powder - Japan
• Coffee Creamer Swine - China
• Chocolates Libido - China
• Soda Pocari Sweat - Japan
• Sport drink Shocking - Japan
• Chewing gum Cat Wetty - Japan
• Moistened hand towels Pipi - Yugoslavia
• Orangeade Polio - Czechoslovakia
• Laundry detergent Crundy - Japan
• Gourmet candy Superglans - Netherlands
• Car wax I'm Dripper - Japan
• Instant coffee Zit - Greece
• Soft drink Colon Plus - Spain