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The best jokes and joke writers!

Big Pencil

Q: What's the biggest pencil in the World?

A: Pennsylvania!

Italian Conversation

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following, "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."  "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

State Flower of West Virginia

Q: What's the state flower of West Virginia?

A: A satellite dish.

Top 5 Ferguson Police Jokes

As reported by the DOJ, these are the top 5 politically incorrect jokes emailed by Ferguson Police:

  1. President Barack Obama won't be president for long because, "What black man holds a steady job for four years?"
  2. "I be so glad that dis be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all dose payments!"
  3. "An African-American woman in New Orleans was admitted into the hospital for a pregnancy termination. Two weeks later she received a check for $5,000. She phoned the hospital to ask who it was from. The hospital said, 'Crime Stoppers.'
  4. A man wanted to obtain "welfare" for his dogs because they are, "Mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are."
  5. Photo of a bare-chested group of dancing women, apparently in Africa, with the caption, "Michelle Obama's High School Reunion."

Fake News

When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal." The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon. "Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, "Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog." "Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut." "In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read, "Yankee Kills Family Pet."