Expert on Parenting
The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent - education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
A classroom full of freshman medical students is anxiously awaiting their first human anatomy lesson..
When the door opens the professor rolls in a naked dead body of an old man lying face down. He places it in the center of lecture hall and in a stiff voice says, "Before learning human anatomy there are two important things you need to remember."
"First, you should be fearless." The professor then sticks his finger in the dead-body's butt hole and then puts it in his mouth. Seeing this the students are stunned and disgusted. The professor then said in a commanding voice, "Everyone line up and do exactly what I just did." With great hesitation and disgust, every student repeated what their professor did.
After the initial commotion settled down and everyone had their turn, the professor said, "The second thing you need to remember is the importance of having a keen sense of observation. Some of you noticed that I stuck my index finger in the butt hole and put my ring finger in my mouth."
Politicians and Diapers
Q: Why are politicians like diapers?
A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
A cop pulls over a car. He walks up to the car, the driver lowers his window and a cloud of weed smoke pours out. The cop looks at the driver and notices his eyes are as red as a stop sign. The cop then asks the driver, "How high are you?
The driver laughs and says, No officer, it's Hi, How are you...
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him."‘I don't know," he said. "She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."