Excitement in Undertaking!

There were two guys who had gone to the same college and become great friends. During college, they had a great time. Anything that was going on, they were always right in the middle of it. When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate way. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other and, during the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for work. "I'm an undertaker," responded the friend. "That doesn't sound like you. During college, you were always the one looking for excitement." "There is plenty of excitement in this racket," said his friend. "Just the other day, I got a call to pick up this stiff in a hotel room. When I entered the room, he was laying there on the bed, stark naked, with a huge erection. I didn't want to take him out like that, so I took a hanger from the closet, and gave it a good swat... You want to talk about excitement! I WAS IN THE WRONG ROOM!!!"

Ponderings Collection 14

• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
• I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
• After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
• This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulance or a firetruck.
• I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.
• The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.
• I really feel sorry for Madonna's baby, having to grow without a last name.
• Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?
• The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.

Notes to the Landlord

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant. .. ."
"The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?"
"Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old page pensioner and need it straight away."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
"The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
"Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us."