Jokes about Kids

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school. She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast. "No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!" "You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds. "No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky." "You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns. "Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks. The mother is about to lose her patience. "Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer.
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
4. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
5. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
6. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
7. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
8. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
9. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
10. Never try to baptize a cat.

How do you spell elephant? E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t" That's not how the dictionary spells it" "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelled it!"

1. You can name everyone you graduated with

2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home

3. You know what 4-H is

4. You ever went to "headlight parties"

5. You used to drag "main"

6. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour

7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't

8. You ever went cow-tipping

9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the 'buyer' for all of the best parties

10. You have parties at the same guy's house

11. School gets cancelled for state sporting events

12. The town social events are their children's

13. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents, anyhow)

14. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them

15. Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut

16. You were ever in the Homecoming parade

17. You have ever gone home for Homecoming

18. You fix up to go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit taking care of youself

19. No place sells gas on Sunday

20. Friday nights fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open after 10)

21. You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks

22. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town

23. You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery, on a date

24. You ordered your waredrobe out of a catalog

25. You had senior skip day

26. The whole school went to the same party after graduation

27. The only 'clique' that nobody would be nice to was the skurves across the street

28. You don't give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by references (turn by Armstrongs' Liquor, go two blocks past Andersons', and it's four houses left of the track field)

Q: Why did the student eat her homework?

A: Because the teacher said it would be a 'piece of cake'.