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The best jokes and joke writers!

Boy & Grandpa

A little boy comes running Into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?" The Grandpa says, "I don't know, why?"

The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!"

A Cop on Christmas Morning

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light. Next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid tells him yes. The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Four Kids

There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble. Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.

Officer: What's your name?

Shut Up: Shut Up.

Officer: What's your name?

Shut Up: Shut Up.

Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

Shut Up: Shut Up!

Officer: Are you looking for Trouble?

Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.

Officer: Where's your Manners?

Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.

Student Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

  • As you shall make your bed so shall you...mess it up.
  • Better be safe than...punch a 5th grader.
  • Strike while the...bug is close.
  • It's always darkest before...daylight savings time.
  • You can lead a horse to water but...how?
  • Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
  • A miss is as good as a...
  • Mr. You can't teach an old dog new...math.
  • If you lie down with the dogs, you'll...stink in the morning.
  • The pen is mightier than the...pigs.
  • An idle mind is...the best way to relax.
  • Where there's smoke, there's...pollution.
  • Happy is the bride who...gets all the presents.
  • A penny saved is...not much.
  • Two's company, three's...the musketeers.
  • Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...you have to blow your nose.
  • Children should be seen and not...spanked or grounded.
  • When the blind leadeth the blind...get out of the way.

Ladder School -Riddles

Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

A: It was a high school.