Q: Why did the student eat her homework?
A: Because the teacher said it would be a 'piece of cake'.
Standing in Line
A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "Hey, Dad, look how fat that lady is!" "Shhhh, quiet, Son, she'll hear you." "But, Dad, look how big and fat that lady is!" "Shhhhhh, don't say that, Son, it's not nice!" "But, Dad, look how big and fat that lady is!" "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that, Son, it's not nice and it's rude!" Suddenly the fat lady's cell phone began beeping. "Look out, Dad, she's backing up!"
I Didn't Even Know!
Three drunks were sitting at a bar. The first one said, "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes." He paused, "I didn't even know she smoked!"
The second drunk said, "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"
The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak.."I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!" He paused, "I didn't even know she had a penis!!!"
Picking on Chelsea Clinton
One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House, I want something done about it immediately!" "Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right away!"
High Tea with Dad
A little girl is serving her father tea while her mother is out shopping. The mother comes home and the father says, "Watch this!" The little girl goes and serves the mother tea. The mother turns to the father and says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"