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The best jokes and joke writers!

Homework

Q: Why did the student eat her homework?

A: Because the teacher said it would be a 'piece of cake'.

ABC's

Student: Can I use the bathroom?

Teacher: Okay but first say your ABC's.

Students: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ

Teacher: Where's the P?

Student: Its running down my leg!

Hearing Test

A little boy is doing his homework. He says to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine.” His mother hears this and gasps, “What are you saying?” The little boy answers, “I’m doing my homework. This is how my teacher taught me to do it.” Infuriated, the mother confronts the teacher the next day. “What are you teaching my son in arithmetic? He’s been saying two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?” The teacher replies, “Oh dear. What I taught them was, two plus two ‘the sum of which’ is four!”

Breast Pumps

Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?

A: Yes, baby lips.

Blood

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."