A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. The man replies, "I'm alright, but I didn't like the four letter word the doctor used in surgery." The nurse asked, "What did he say?" "OOPS!"
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
Ain't She Cute
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled... isn't she cute?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!
There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, "Aaaaaahhh!!!"