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The best jokes and joke writers!

Homework

Q: Why did the student eat her homework?

A: Because the teacher said it would be a 'piece of cake'.

Dangerous Mix

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.

Thoughts From a Teacher

Thoughts from a school teacher:

1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.

2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...

3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.

10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should put "A very good doctor."

Who discovered North America?

Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.

Little Johnny: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: Little Johnny!

I Remember You

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s taken aback and can’t place her. “Do I know you?” he asks. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she says. He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. “Wow,” he says. “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.” “No,” she says. “I think I’m your son’s math teacher.”