Bad Day Signs

• You wake up on pavement.
• You can't find the clothes you wore home from the party.
• Your twin forgets your birthday.
• You wake up to discover your waterbed broke, and then remember you don't have a waterbed.
• You wake up with your mouth guard stuck, and then remember you don't wear a mouth guard.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
• Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

A Good Man?

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

Note on the Fridge

I came home from the golf course today. The wife had left a note on the refrigerator, "IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about?