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The best jokes and joke writers!

Great Female Comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

 

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"

Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

 

Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

 

Man: "Your place or mine?"

Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

 

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

 

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Woman: "Do not Enter"

 

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman: "Unfertilized !"

 

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."

Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

 

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."

Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

 

Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"

 

Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

 

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."

Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

 

Man: "Your body is like a temple."

Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

 

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

 

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."

Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

In The Beginning

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Making Love in the Dark

Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand. "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."

Close Your Eyes

Q: Why does a woman close her eyes when she's having sex ?

A: Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!

Men and Women Qualities

Q: Why do men walk so fast?

A: They've got three legs!

Q: Why do women talk so much?

A: They've got two mouths!