Shopping Jokes

At the card shop...

A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."

A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"

"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"

A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. "Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," the blonde replies.

Q: What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?

A: We B Toyz N' Shit

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once." "Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He’s afraid to cough."

TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET

10. Does this come in children's sizes?

9. No thanks, just sniffing.

8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7. Mom will love this.

6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.

5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here.

4. Will you model this for me?

3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!

2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!

And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:

1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!