Shopping Jokes

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. "Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," the blonde replies.

Q: What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?

A: We B Toyz N' Shit

TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET

10. Does this come in children's sizes?

9. No thanks, just sniffing.

8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7. Mom will love this.

6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.

5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here.

4. Will you model this for me?

3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!

2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!

And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:

1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!

A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said, "I am blind. Drop it on the ground and I'll tell ya." She dropped it on the ground. "Aahh that's $10.00." She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it. "That will be $20.00." "But you said $10.00." "$10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call."