Shopping Jokes

Q: What do you call a Mexican shopping at Nordstrom's?

A: Lost...

My Uncle Ned, all alone, met a girl named Peggy. They fell in love, he promised her that he would give her diamonds, furs, and beautiful dresses. One day as they were walked down 5th Avenue in New York, they came upon a jewelry store under construction. Peggy looked at my Uncle Ned and said, "You promised me jewels." Uncle Ned proceeded to pick up a fallen brick. He threw it through the window, pulled out and gave her a diamond necklace. As they strolled own 5th Avenue, they came upon a fur shop. Peggy looked at Uncle Ned and said, "You promised me furs." Uncle Ned picked up another brick, threw it through the window, pulled out a mink and gave it to Peggy. Strolling down 5th Avenue again, they came upon a fashion store with beautiful dresses. Peggy said, "You promised me beautiful clothes." Uncle Ned replied, "What do you think I am made of bricks?"

Q: What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?

A: We B Toyz N' Shit

TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET

10. Does this come in children's sizes?

9. No thanks, just sniffing.

8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7. Mom will love this.

6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.

5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here.

4. Will you model this for me?

3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!

2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!

And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:

1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!

Q: Why did God invent the shopping cart?

A: To teach the women to walk on their hind legs!