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Semester Credit Lightbulb

Q: How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

A Bunch of Better Idiots

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.

  • "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
  • "Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
  • "I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
  • "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"
  • "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?
  • "I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)
  • "I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months." (I know... how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)
  • "I need a color photograph of George Washington." (Ok... hold on... I'll check with the caveman...)
  • "Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk) This one gets the golden stupidity award!

14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test

14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test

  1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
  2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "Buckle up!"
  3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.
  4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the clutch and say, "Oops".
  5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "Now which one is the gas again?"
  6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
  7. Fill your car with beer bottles.
  8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
  9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
  10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
  11. Swear at everybody on the road.
  12. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
  13. Beep your horn at everything.
  14. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

Yo Mama - Locked In

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and wet her pants!

Yo Mama - Copycat

Yo mama so stupid that when she looked in the mirror, she said stop copying me!