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The best jokes and joke writers!

Quick Wit

An older guy goes to the doctor’s office to ask about getting a prescription for Viagra. He’s in the waiting room when the woman at the reception desk calls his name and says, for everyone to hear, “Mr. Herder, You’re here to see the doctor about your impotence, right?” The guy is mortified. “No,” he says, just as loudly. “I’m looking into getting a sex change operation, and I was hoping to get the same doctor who did yours.”

Yo Mama - Locked In

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and wet her pants!

Stupid Questions

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity:

 

Grand Canyon National Park...

Was this man-made?

Do you light it up at night?

I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?

So where are the faces of the presidents?

 

Everglades National Park...

Are the alligators real?

Are the baby alligators for sale?

Where are all the rides?

What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

 

Denali National Park (Alaska)...

What time do you feed the bears?

Can you show me where the yeti lives?

How often do you mow the tundra?

How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

 

Mesa Verde National Park...

Did people build this, or did Indians?

Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?

What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?

Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?

Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

 

Carlsbad Caverns National Park...

How much of the cave is underground?

So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?

Does it ever rain in here?

How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?

So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

 

Yosemite National Park...

Where are the cages for the animals?

What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?

Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

 

Yellowstone National Park...

Does Old Faithful erupt at night?

How do you turn it on?

When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?

We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

Idiot Insurance Forms

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

  • Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
  • I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
  • A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
  • A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
  • The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
  • I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
  • I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
  • I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
  • I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
  • To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
  • An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
  • I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
  • The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
  • I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
  • In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
  • I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.
  • The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

Blonde

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone.