Man: To make a woman laugh is the second best method to get her to sleep with you.
Woman: And what is the best method?
Woman: You are funny!
Man: Good choice.
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!" And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up. The End.
My girlfriend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.
She was furious, she said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Asked Me Out
"Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room." - Phyllis Diller
Love, Love, Love
One of the most painful things in the world is when you say "I love you" and it isn't reciprocated
Especially when you've just said it to your parents