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The best jokes and joke writers!

Best BF Ever

A guy is running on a treadmill in the gym and he sees an iPhone X sitting on the next treadmill with no one around. Just then it starts ringing and a buff dude comes and answers it on speakerphone. It's a sweet voice of a young woman. The conversation goes like this:

Women: HEY BABY!!! ARE YOU STILL AT THE GYM?

Buff Dude: Yeah!!

Women: Well, okay, so I'm out shopping with my friend Sarah and we see this beautiful dress, it's so gorgeous! It's the last one and it's on sale. Sarah says it makes me look hot and that I should buy it now. I think so too but I don't have that much cash.  Would you mind if I use your card to buy it? It's only $600. Please Please?

Buff Dude: Okay!!!

Women: THANK YOU HONEY!!! Also, there's this beautiful necklace that matches the dress and it's on sale for $199. The dress is nothing without the necklace, can I get it too?

Buff Dude: Yeah!!

Women: OMG!! you are the best and speaking of the best you know that Kaitlyn's wedding is coming up and these guys have this beautiful gown, It will make me look like a princess and it's only $1200.  Can I get that now too?

Buff Dude: get it...

Women: OH MY GOSH...YOU ARE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER !!! I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH...THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M GONNA TREAT YOU FOR THIS. DON'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR ENERGY AT THE GYM, YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT TONIGHT!

LOVE YOU!!!

Buff Dude: Bye!!

The buff dude takes the phone and leaves.  The guy can't believe the conversation, figures the buff dude must be loaded and babe extremely hot. A few minutes later he hears a page over the gym loudspeaker:

Would the person who lost an iPhone X please come to the front desk - you had a phone call!

Diamond Ring

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring

The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.

One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

It was a sham rock.

What a Yawn Means

Q: How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?

A: She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.

Top 10 Things A Girl Won't Say

1) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!

2) Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends?

3) Great fart!! Rip another one!

4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt.

5) You should see the shit I just birthed.

6) I'd rather play GTA5 than go shopping.

7) Let's start subscribing to Hustler.

8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?

9) I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!

10) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.

Chinese Black Friday

Went to a Chinese restaurant today to celebrate Black Friday. The philosophical message in my fortune cookie read, "Every exit is an entrance."

Long story short, my girlfriend said no.