Farmer Johnson

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife, "Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones." "Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies."But I want you to, Maude." "But why?" Maude asks."Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"

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Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.  We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:  "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass   and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is No difference in the outcome. Both could result in death.