Will You Marry Me?

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said, "Yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

His Last Wishes

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. "Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace." "What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked. "The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably." "The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral ' I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending." "And the third envelope?" asked her friends. "The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.' Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said "So, do you like my stone?" showing off her 10 carat diamond ring.

Good News At Work

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. . . .Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."