Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," he said.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb cop," the third blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win; they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
He Loves To Fish
This couple just got married and was spending their honeymoon at a secluded campgrounds next to a small lake. Every day the new bridegroom was seen in a boat on the lake fishing. Two old timers who were always setting on the dock thought it kinda funny that the groom was spending all his time on the lake. Well, their curiosity got the best of them and they confronted him when he came in for lunch. The first old man said, " Son when I first got married, me and my wife spent every day of our honeymoon in bed, well you know!" The new groom said, "well, normally that's what I would do, But she, well, she's got gonorrhea." The second old man said, " well son haven't you ever heard about oral sex? everybody's doing it these days." The groom says, "yes I have heard about that, but she also has pyorrhea." The first old man looks at the second old man, and they both nod to each other and offered this advice. "Sonny, in times like this you just might want to roll her over." The groom says " I know all about that too, but she's got diarrhea." The two old men look at each other and at the same time they say, "Daggone Sonny... gonorrhea, pyorrhea, diarrhea, what the hell did ya marry her for?!" He said "Well she's also got worms,... And I dooo looove to Fish!!
Shark Week - Bait
One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meetings he decided to go see the beach at Martha's Vineyard. When he arrived he saw a man struggling for his life against a shark. Upon a closer look he realized it was John Boehner. Horrified, he starts to call for help when the presidential speed boat pulls up along side Mr. Boehner, with Barack Obama and Joe Biden on board. Joe Biden leans over and pulls Boehner out. Then Barack and Joe begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats. The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach. The pope says to the men, "I know there has been a lot of strife in this administration, but I can see that you men have mutual respect and would help each other when it really counts. You have my blessings." The pope packs off and drives out of site. Obama asks, "Who was that?" "That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing, in touch with God and leader of the Catholic Church," says Biden. Obama says, "Well that's all neat and fine, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Hows the bait holding up?"
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth.